I know im getting 'makulit' and all but i can't help it. with all my heart i miss you. even though we still had conversations and issues that we haven't fixed... I miss being with you. I miss everythng with you. i miss myself when i am with you. I miss the feeling i have when i am with you. I hope you'd be happy with poem i sent for you. i miss you. hope you miss me too.
PS i love keeping this mystery of missing you within me.
*hugz*
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
yesterday's escapade/food trip
jules and I were just planning to have merienda in toll house to eat and talk but somehow life happens when we're busy planning other things.
TOLL HOUSE
Toll house is a famous snack house/restaurant in Angeles City, Pampanga. It serves its famous chessy, mouth watering, creamy baked macaroni and lasagna. It also sells cakes, cookies and other goodies that are both pleasing to the eyes and taste buds.
So as our bm105 ended, we decided to head straight to Toll house thinking we have a 3 hour break before bio 1. Because of our charm, we were able to bring with us lorie, Marvine and tereso. I was just planning to order a baked macaroni but was persuaded of jules to order the tropical chicken. Jules asked if lorie, and me could share with her tropical chicken. But being a “masiba” and carnivore ( I officially stopped eating rice.. haha) I declined and decided to have an order for myself. Assuming that I am, the tropical chicken wasn’t the typical spring chicken with the gravy or some delicious barbeque sauce with the steamed vegetables. The tropical chicken was a backed chicken consisting of corn, carrots, string beans in cream sauce topped with mash potato. So what happened to me? I became saturated with it. I had to ask the help of terry and marvine to finish. But unluckily we weren’t able to. Haha
CARMELITE
So they were having the feeling that we were not going to have a bio 1 class. It is 12:30 and we are still in angeles – thinking that our class was 1:00. Luckily, after a lot of text messages and calls, we weren’t going to have a Bio 1.
As they say, when its your first visit in a church don’t hesitate to make a wish. Here’s my ‘wishes’*:
Be rich – with lots of money.
Bless me and my family with our migration.
happiness. (with the back voice regarding ivan.haha)
*Regardless of what they say regarding sharing wishes: that is won’t true, what the heck.
SM CLARK
Jules forgot to mention to me that Paula was included in our date in Toll house. So we decided to met half way thru and where else than in SM Clark. Because jules and I had a heavy meal, we were having a hard time thinking where to have our continuation of binge eating. After a while we decided to try café chocola.
I ordered a ice expresso (2 layers) or whatever it is consisting of coffee and having a top layer of milk. And I ordered a ravel bar. Sobrang takaw. Haha
So we had long and thorough conversations from relationships, academics, love problems to sex (issues, stories and queries).
TURK’S SHAWARMA
Paula was having a craving of shawarma. And being a game person. I joined in. We tried turk’s beef shawarma. It was sweet and tangy. It’s dough was a little sweet. The beef was tender and sweet. The veggies consisting of cabbage, tomatoes and cucumber were very fresh and crunchy. Oh the greatest thing was that they have a unlimited cheese syrup that we poured on the shawarma – too much won’t hurt ei, and it was free.
HOME
Nothing beats going home to rest. I cleaned my room. Arranged my cabinets and stack. Threw my garbage and some unnecessary stuff. And of course texted ivan.
I wanted to share my message to him:
“whenever I look at my palm, I wonder which of those tiny cute criss-cross lines made so lucky to meet you.. and have you.. J”
Texts:
Ivan: Dinner na.. J
Me: I hate admitting it.. but I really miss you. Kainis ka! Haha. Kain ka na. J
Ivan: J I mis u too.. *sigh*
Me: di nga? Talaga? Promise? J
Ivan: promisepromise. J kumain ka na?
The texts continued until he finally decided to eat. So another short time texting with him. At least I had a few minutes.
I slept while reading history of china and after eating some oranges.
TOLL HOUSE
Toll house is a famous snack house/restaurant in Angeles City, Pampanga. It serves its famous chessy, mouth watering, creamy baked macaroni and lasagna. It also sells cakes, cookies and other goodies that are both pleasing to the eyes and taste buds.
So as our bm105 ended, we decided to head straight to Toll house thinking we have a 3 hour break before bio 1. Because of our charm, we were able to bring with us lorie, Marvine and tereso. I was just planning to order a baked macaroni but was persuaded of jules to order the tropical chicken. Jules asked if lorie, and me could share with her tropical chicken. But being a “masiba” and carnivore ( I officially stopped eating rice.. haha) I declined and decided to have an order for myself. Assuming that I am, the tropical chicken wasn’t the typical spring chicken with the gravy or some delicious barbeque sauce with the steamed vegetables. The tropical chicken was a backed chicken consisting of corn, carrots, string beans in cream sauce topped with mash potato. So what happened to me? I became saturated with it. I had to ask the help of terry and marvine to finish. But unluckily we weren’t able to. Haha
CARMELITE
So they were having the feeling that we were not going to have a bio 1 class. It is 12:30 and we are still in angeles – thinking that our class was 1:00. Luckily, after a lot of text messages and calls, we weren’t going to have a Bio 1.
As they say, when its your first visit in a church don’t hesitate to make a wish. Here’s my ‘wishes’*:
Be rich – with lots of money.
Bless me and my family with our migration.
happiness. (with the back voice regarding ivan.haha)
*Regardless of what they say regarding sharing wishes: that is won’t true, what the heck.
SM CLARK
Jules forgot to mention to me that Paula was included in our date in Toll house. So we decided to met half way thru and where else than in SM Clark. Because jules and I had a heavy meal, we were having a hard time thinking where to have our continuation of binge eating. After a while we decided to try café chocola.
I ordered a ice expresso (2 layers) or whatever it is consisting of coffee and having a top layer of milk. And I ordered a ravel bar. Sobrang takaw. Haha
So we had long and thorough conversations from relationships, academics, love problems to sex (issues, stories and queries).
TURK’S SHAWARMA
Paula was having a craving of shawarma. And being a game person. I joined in. We tried turk’s beef shawarma. It was sweet and tangy. It’s dough was a little sweet. The beef was tender and sweet. The veggies consisting of cabbage, tomatoes and cucumber were very fresh and crunchy. Oh the greatest thing was that they have a unlimited cheese syrup that we poured on the shawarma – too much won’t hurt ei, and it was free.
HOME
Nothing beats going home to rest. I cleaned my room. Arranged my cabinets and stack. Threw my garbage and some unnecessary stuff. And of course texted ivan.
I wanted to share my message to him:
“whenever I look at my palm, I wonder which of those tiny cute criss-cross lines made so lucky to meet you.. and have you.. J”
Texts:
Ivan: Dinner na.. J
Me: I hate admitting it.. but I really miss you. Kainis ka! Haha. Kain ka na. J
Ivan: J I mis u too.. *sigh*
Me: di nga? Talaga? Promise? J
Ivan: promisepromise. J kumain ka na?
The texts continued until he finally decided to eat. So another short time texting with him. At least I had a few minutes.
I slept while reading history of china and after eating some oranges.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Addicted
What should I buy? Siopao? Donuts? Or cake? I confess. I am an addict. I am not really sure how it all started. All I know is that I needed it. I am so psyched about doing it that it has become a weekly ritual. It is my only pleasure – my true obsession. I don’t mind the hours, the pollution, the people – everything. All that matters is I go home and be with my family. That is my addiction – going to a place I call home. The very word of it gives me the ‘kiligs’. The mere thinking of them makes me miss them even more. So why do I travel for four hours, suffer back pains, and endure hunger just to see them? The simple answer is l-o-v-e. I love my family to the last molecule.
I arrive at home at about 3:30 pm. As I open our gates I shout and call on my mama. Then, I pay my respect to my parents. My father says: “My daughter, how are you?” I answer with a happy tone; “Fine and thank you sir.” Then we would start to laugh. I would then bring out my pasalubong for the week; then my kuya would show up. Mama would then ask if I already ate then she would tell that she cooked sinigang for me. As I reheat the sinigang, I switched on the TV and watch ‘Let’s Go’. Mama would then ask questions about school and everything else. Being a wreck after the whole trip, I couldn’t answer rightfully. Mama gets a little irritated and says: “masyado ka namang suplada” subsequently she decides to just sleep again. We are about to go mass at 5 pm. It is already 4:45 and mama is still on the bathroom. Papa calls on her. Mama answers; “Andiyan na. tara na. tara na si rin.” Then I butt in by saying; “Si Mama naman, madali ng madali eh asa banyo pa.” At about 5:20 we arrive at the church. We are just in time for the homily of the priest. While the priest reads his homily, mama starts again to ask me questions. Papa then pushes my leg down and says it’s improper to put one’s leg up during mass. As I feel the pangs and gnaws of my body due to the demands of the week; magical voices starts to fill the air. The choir started to sing. My spirit starts to awaken and liven up. Oh the calmness and serenity their voices bring. After the mass, papa goes home while mama and I go to the flea market. We go to market to buy some fruits and desserts for dinner. At this time, mama and I start to converse about the latest happenings. Afterwards, we have our dinner. We talk. We laugh. We watch TV. We bond. And if time permits, I give facial services, manicure and pedicure. This is my typical Saturday – simple yet meaningful. And my Sunday is left for all the paper works and projects that I have to rush in advance.
So what keeps me going home even for just a number of hours despite the hassles it brings? The answer is the love I feel whenever I am with them. I’ll tell you the truth. I am scared. I may look tough. I may look strong. I may look mature. But somewhere inside me is a kid - a kid who always gets excited whenever she sees her mama, papa and kuya. I almost lost my dad a year ago when he had a mild stroke, and I don’t want that to happen again. My parents aren’t getting any younger and I want as much as possible to be with them. My parents just retired recently from work and when they decided to retire in the province. I did not complain. It was fair enough for them. Words are not enough to explain why. If superman’s weakness is planet Krypton; mine is my family. So here I am sitting on the bus reminiscing my weekend, and I smile at having another chance to be with them. Now the question is what would I bring home for next weekend? Siopao? Donuts? Or cake?
I arrive at home at about 3:30 pm. As I open our gates I shout and call on my mama. Then, I pay my respect to my parents. My father says: “My daughter, how are you?” I answer with a happy tone; “Fine and thank you sir.” Then we would start to laugh. I would then bring out my pasalubong for the week; then my kuya would show up. Mama would then ask if I already ate then she would tell that she cooked sinigang for me. As I reheat the sinigang, I switched on the TV and watch ‘Let’s Go’. Mama would then ask questions about school and everything else. Being a wreck after the whole trip, I couldn’t answer rightfully. Mama gets a little irritated and says: “masyado ka namang suplada” subsequently she decides to just sleep again. We are about to go mass at 5 pm. It is already 4:45 and mama is still on the bathroom. Papa calls on her. Mama answers; “Andiyan na. tara na. tara na si rin.” Then I butt in by saying; “Si Mama naman, madali ng madali eh asa banyo pa.” At about 5:20 we arrive at the church. We are just in time for the homily of the priest. While the priest reads his homily, mama starts again to ask me questions. Papa then pushes my leg down and says it’s improper to put one’s leg up during mass. As I feel the pangs and gnaws of my body due to the demands of the week; magical voices starts to fill the air. The choir started to sing. My spirit starts to awaken and liven up. Oh the calmness and serenity their voices bring. After the mass, papa goes home while mama and I go to the flea market. We go to market to buy some fruits and desserts for dinner. At this time, mama and I start to converse about the latest happenings. Afterwards, we have our dinner. We talk. We laugh. We watch TV. We bond. And if time permits, I give facial services, manicure and pedicure. This is my typical Saturday – simple yet meaningful. And my Sunday is left for all the paper works and projects that I have to rush in advance.
So what keeps me going home even for just a number of hours despite the hassles it brings? The answer is the love I feel whenever I am with them. I’ll tell you the truth. I am scared. I may look tough. I may look strong. I may look mature. But somewhere inside me is a kid - a kid who always gets excited whenever she sees her mama, papa and kuya. I almost lost my dad a year ago when he had a mild stroke, and I don’t want that to happen again. My parents aren’t getting any younger and I want as much as possible to be with them. My parents just retired recently from work and when they decided to retire in the province. I did not complain. It was fair enough for them. Words are not enough to explain why. If superman’s weakness is planet Krypton; mine is my family. So here I am sitting on the bus reminiscing my weekend, and I smile at having another chance to be with them. Now the question is what would I bring home for next weekend? Siopao? Donuts? Or cake?
Saturday, January 26, 2008
a year from now
One year from now, i maybe reading this entry wondering what i was feeling at this very moment. Wondering if i did the right thing. wondering if i was 'really' happy with my decision.
Few days ago (wednesday - my second BM105 exam) my mum texted me that our petition for the united states was approved and one year from now we maybe leaving my motherland. Somehow i was happy at the very first instant i read the message. And when i called my mum to confirm it; she cleared to me, you are leaving for the states.
Until now few people know that i will be leaving in one year or so my Philippines and going to the green dollar country where i find greener pastures as they say - but not.I will go with a questionable journey wanting to experience a new place and a new life different from what i have here for 19 years. Somehow, i have no assurance of happiness or even security of what would happen to me there. But i am sure that i would take this chance.
The people who know about the move is my bestfriend (kat b.), my guy close friend (noel), my two loving dorm mates (hannah and carla) and my former dorm mate who over heard me talking in the bathroom (marie). I haven't told yet Ivan, the man i truly love, of such issue but i promise some day within the year i will. I am just finding the right time and right place. Oh yeah, ivan and i aren't talking on a regular basis so its harder for me to tell him. So are my other friends - jules and paula, my blockmates, my SOsquare, my highschool mates and others. I'll find the right time. And i want to them when it's near or when i am really and confirmed that i am leaving.
before i forgot, mum said that i should expect that the papers and other requirements may be finished in less than year. if this happens, i will still prioritize my graduation and follow after them in a few month.
oh. am i making sense in what i am writing? .i am not. sigh
one year from now. one year more of memories. One year of unexpected events. one year of smiles, laughs, tears, fears, and adventures. one year.
Today, january 26, 2008, i would uber seize the coming days. who knows, i may not be able to do things i want to do righfully when i still have the chance - when i am still in college and have the right to be crazy.
Few days ago (wednesday - my second BM105 exam) my mum texted me that our petition for the united states was approved and one year from now we maybe leaving my motherland. Somehow i was happy at the very first instant i read the message. And when i called my mum to confirm it; she cleared to me, you are leaving for the states.
Until now few people know that i will be leaving in one year or so my Philippines and going to the green dollar country where i find greener pastures as they say - but not.I will go with a questionable journey wanting to experience a new place and a new life different from what i have here for 19 years. Somehow, i have no assurance of happiness or even security of what would happen to me there. But i am sure that i would take this chance.
The people who know about the move is my bestfriend (kat b.), my guy close friend (noel), my two loving dorm mates (hannah and carla) and my former dorm mate who over heard me talking in the bathroom (marie). I haven't told yet Ivan, the man i truly love, of such issue but i promise some day within the year i will. I am just finding the right time and right place. Oh yeah, ivan and i aren't talking on a regular basis so its harder for me to tell him. So are my other friends - jules and paula, my blockmates, my SOsquare, my highschool mates and others. I'll find the right time. And i want to them when it's near or when i am really and confirmed that i am leaving.
before i forgot, mum said that i should expect that the papers and other requirements may be finished in less than year. if this happens, i will still prioritize my graduation and follow after them in a few month.
oh. am i making sense in what i am writing? .i am not. sigh
one year from now. one year more of memories. One year of unexpected events. one year of smiles, laughs, tears, fears, and adventures. one year.
Today, january 26, 2008, i would uber seize the coming days. who knows, i may not be able to do things i want to do righfully when i still have the chance - when i am still in college and have the right to be crazy.
"true beauty"
Girls who efface their beauty by make-up, who mar their lips by lipstick, who pluck their eyebrows and substitute them with a stroke of pencil,deserve commiseration: commiseration, indeed,for their lack of common sense. Looking around you see more masks than faces!. Mature women who go on like this are ridiculous, but young girls, on the contrary, force us to supress a smile .
Or rather, they make you think: what kind of woman will they turn out to be? Will they take life as an everlasting merry-go-round? What good can you expect of a woman who lightly alters whatever MOTHER NATURE has alloted to her? Is it possible that Nature, the source of the most striking miracles that our eyes can see, was mistaking in creating the ninety percent of female creatures, so as to oblige them to remedy her work.
POOR GIRLS! You feel like pulling each one of them by the ear in front of a basin filled with hot water and then handling them a cake of soap, saying to them:
"COME on, wash your face, you foolish girl!"
*'To love someone is to know their worth, to know their weakness but still admire their strengths. To love is not about looks, it is about the beauty in a person only seen by someone in love."
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Can you finally be mine?
ivan...
at this very moment i will type words that i am not sure if i will soon regret or be thankful for. I admit i am scared. I have questioned myself a million times if i should tell you or not. I wondered would telling you be worth the risk. Would worrying about 'our' future be the safest thing to keep you beside me?
i hate this feeling after we have talked ( the simple chitchat we just had)....the feeling of having a heavy heart where questions and sudden sadness fills my soul.. then, i feel myself shrink into a minute being. 'this' or whatever you call it has always been hard for me.
i love you. even without knowing if you feel the same way. but somehow i am starting to get tired. Not for the reason of thinking how long will i wait and understand but of how hard it is to love you. was there really something i am waiting for? or was i hoping for nothing?..or do i really have to wait? i never cared about waiting because i was always patient..but don't blame me..with all your questionable actions...sometimes my brain have the tendency to formulate such crazy questions and ideas.
i believe that actions are more than enough.. but somehow i need words.. words..of confirmation... of assurance.. of security..
tell me. please. let me know.
then maybe... i could finally rest my case..
*this was written last November 27, 2007 .
28 'things' i want in a boyfriend
1. kind (gentleman)
2. great sense of humor ( can make me laugh and able to laugh at himself)
3. the biggest supporter of my dreams
4. passionate about his work
5. sweet and malambing
6. is a little boy at heart – has a child’s innocence and innate trust in the world and mankind
7. highly-tolerant and open minded
8. is sweet to his mother and sister (is he has)
9. well-read (smart and sensible)
10. loves to travel and see the world
11. remembers things I say, even ones I’ve already forgotten I’ve said (a good ListeNEr!)
12. someone who always look after the welfare of others (specially me!)
13. has a great deal of respect for women (GIRLS RULE!!!)
14. hopeless romantic
15. understands my mood swings
16. smells good!
17. loves my family and friends
18. fiercely loyal
19. someone who dresses well and knows what looks good on him (clean look)
20. doesn’t smoke (or other bad vices)
21. someone who openly considers me his best friend
22. someone who surprises me with nice little meaningful presents
23. outdoorsy and athletic
24. has wonderful. Expressive eyes
25. has cute little crinkles at the corner of his eyes when he smiles
26. courageously pursues his dreams
27. is proud to have me (accepting me for who I am I mean)
28. thinks I am the smartest, the funniest, and the most intoxicating woman in existence! hahaha
a new beginning.
I have been blogging for about 4 years now but it is in a sanctuary where my personal experiences have been known to everyone i am personally attached to. But today i am going to have my journal where i shall write in privacy. Privacy in a sense that people i am dearly close to shall not know my little diary of existence. They shall not in any matter know my personal sentiments. Gladly, now i can finally set free my inhibitions and generate my factory of ideas. Finally i can now mention names and wouldn't need any more nicknames or aka. Because now i am invisible.. and free.. To people outside my glass box, you welcome to know my insights, stories.. and all about me. This is my new beginning.. another opportunity.. another try.. at everything... but with a different catch.. in a secret life i can call mine...
WELCOME to my secret life.... :-)
....
"Everybody should love every other person as much as he loves himself, so that the interests of all would be served." - Mo Tzu
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
beginnings..one more try?
"beginnings...beginni ngs... we all want one. another chance. another opportunity. another hope. another try. the power to possibly start again. but can we?"
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
David Sy - Sarmiento Laforteza Wedding
December 27, 2007
Church: in Air Force City, Pampanga
Reception: Fontana Convention Center
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Marriage? Why not?!
(Sudden…Rushed ….Unorganized thoughts…)
Last December 27, we attended the second wedding of my cousin in Clark, Pampanga. You read it right. This is kuya jeff’s second wedding… but with a different woman. His first marriage failed and so he tried again. I guess that’s love you just try and try until you finally settle with something you really deserve and want. I hope my loving and perfect gentleman cousin really be happy with this one for he really deserve it.
I remember my best friend in one of the birthday cards she sent me that she is willing to be my maid of honor until I find the one for me. And somehow, I realized that that may happen I would have failed marriages or be a separada, double takers on marriages or even a spinster. But I wouldn’t stop trying and taking risk for I am not afraid in making my own love story.
On the other hand, I thought of my parents together with their other siblings who had marriages over 30 years. Somehow I wonder how do they keep the spice and love in their marriage.
The two extreme opposites of marriage: quitting/trying and fighting. Quitting – admitting that there are marriages that fail and love that may be lost; trying – moving on and taking another toll on love and life. Fighting – continuously fighting for the love that two people have despite the odds. I guess the wonders of marriage with the consideration of love are really a splendid and broad issue. Someday I will find out…someday I’ll know.. Someday I will experience it…. Someday… but definitely with the one who deserve to be with me..
*written December 28, 2007
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